No more Windows for Punjab
Microsoft's Bill Gates decided not to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta Singh.
To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
From : Banta Singh of Punjab
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.
8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God's sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
PS: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
From : Banta Singh of Punjab
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.
8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God's sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
PS: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Dig out of grave
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard long into the night. The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 88. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig....... I had him buried upside down.'
And you know men won't ask for directions
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 88. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig....... I had him buried upside down.'
And you know men won't ask for directions
Not drinking
One day, two friends, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a couple of buds. The passenger: Bubba said, "Look up ahead Earl, It's a police roadblock! We're going to get busted for drinking these beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. We'll just pull over and finish these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What for?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talking, said Earl. They finished their beers threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked,"Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir" said Earl "We're on the patch."
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. We'll just pull over and finish these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What for?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talking, said Earl. They finished their beers threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked,"Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir" said Earl "We're on the patch."
Wrong medicine
The pharmacist comes to in to the drugstore to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He approaches the clerk and asks: "What's with that guy over there by the wall?
The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough. "And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative."
The horrified pharmacist shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"
The clerk calmly responds; "Of course you can! Look at him; he is afraid to cough!"
The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough. "And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative."
The horrified pharmacist shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"
The clerk calmly responds; "Of course you can! Look at him; he is afraid to cough!"
Old age
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the Restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card"
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card"
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