Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about their achievements.
The first one said," During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick" .
The second one said, "Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it".
The third one sighed and said,"Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".
Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.
A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened ? Who is that guy ? "
One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of
everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it".
Drunk
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."
Not about to get taken again, the bartender asked sarcastically, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."
Not about to get taken again, the bartender asked sarcastically, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Race horses
Some race horses staying in a stable are chatting. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Daaaaaaaamn!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Daaaaaaaamn!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Cut backs
A man owns a business and has two employees; Jane and Jack. They're both very good employees but business has been bad and he finds he has to cut back on staff and lay one of them off. But which one?
They are both equally industrious and productive. He wracks his brains for hours and finally decides that he will watch them the next day and lay off the first one that takes a break.
Well, the next day comes and the man is watching but both Jack and Jane are being very industrious. Neither of them so much as looks up from their desk for hours. And then, finally, shortly before lunch, Jane gets up and goes to the water cooler. The man gets up and joins her at the water cooler to deliver the bad news.
"Jane," he says. "I have to lay you or Jack off."
She replies, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."
They are both equally industrious and productive. He wracks his brains for hours and finally decides that he will watch them the next day and lay off the first one that takes a break.
Well, the next day comes and the man is watching but both Jack and Jane are being very industrious. Neither of them so much as looks up from their desk for hours. And then, finally, shortly before lunch, Jane gets up and goes to the water cooler. The man gets up and joins her at the water cooler to deliver the bad news.
"Jane," he says. "I have to lay you or Jack off."
She replies, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."
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