Out of towner

Tired by his life's hectic pace, the swinger determines to take a leisurely drive across the country. At first the pastoral sights pleased him, but by the time he got to Kansas, he was dying for some action.

Pulling into the only gas station in a small town one Saturday evening, he asked the attendant, "Is there any nightlife in this town?"

"Not anymore," the station owner replied. "She moved to Chicago"

New drink

"What's that drink you're mixing?" the stranger asked the bartender in the exotic Caribbean bar.

"I call this a rum dandy," said the bartender. "What's in it?" asked the stranger. "Sugar, milk, and rum," said the bartender. "Is it good?" asked the stranger."Sure," said the barkeep. "The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy."

"And the rum?" asked the stranger.

"Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy" replied the bartender.

Jon and the bear

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.

The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.

The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.

The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Husbands, So Logical

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

 
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one 
carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
 
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
 
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
 
He replied, "They had eggs."