That the correct woman can bring balance and stability to your life!
Blonde Convention
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Old man in diner
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."
Little Johnny
Little Johnny is standing in the back yard with a hand full of M&M's and the cat by the tail in the other. His mom notices and watches him. He pops a couple M&M's, takes a bit out of the cats tail, and hops a couple of steps.
Then he does it again pops a couple M&M's, takes a bit out of the cats tail, and hops a couple steps.
Finally his mom comes out and says "Johnny what are you doing?" and he says, "I'm being a trucker mom. Popping some pills eaten some pussy and moving along."
Then he does it again pops a couple M&M's, takes a bit out of the cats tail, and hops a couple steps.
Finally his mom comes out and says "Johnny what are you doing?" and he says, "I'm being a trucker mom. Popping some pills eaten some pussy and moving along."
Hot water in Montreal
A patron in a Montreal café turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute." Roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city"
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute." Roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city"
Railroad accident
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it down the tracks. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it; the court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" he lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it; the court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" he lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"
Nicotine patch
This gay man takes off his clothes off for an examination and the doctor sees that he is wearing a nicotine patch at the end of his pe**s and says, "Hmmm, that's interesting. Does it work?"
"Sure does. I haven't had a butt in three weeks!"
"Sure does. I haven't had a butt in three weeks!"
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