Drunk

A drunk had passed out in an alley way and along came a queer. The queer looked about and, not seeing anyone, pulled down the drunk's pants and screwed him in the ass. When he finished he placed a $20.00 in the drunk's pocket.

The next morning the drunk was searching his pockets for a cigarette when he discovered the $20.00 bill. He immediately dashed to the corner liquor store and asked for $20.00 worth of the cheapest wine in the house. He received 4 bottles of wine and proceeded to drink every drop. He passed out in the same alley way and along came the same queer.

Not seeing anyone about, he remembered how good it was the night before so he pulled down the drunk's pants and screwed him in the ass, again. Again he tucked a $20.00 in the drunk's pocket. In the morning the drunk found the $20.00 and headed for the same liquor store. Again he asked for $20.00 worth of the cheapest wine in the house. Again he received 4 bottles. Again he drank every drop. Again he passed out in the same alleyway. Along came this same queer, only this time he had a friend with him.

After removing the ole boy's trousers they both screwed him in the ass. When they finished they both placed a $20.00 bill in his pocket. The next morning the drunk found the $40.00 and high tailed it to the same liquor store. Upon entering the clerk said, "I know! You want $20.00 worth of the cheapest wine I've got in the house."

"Nope!" the wino said. "I want $40.00 worth of the best wine you've got in the house. That cheap stuff makes my asshole sore!

Penguin

A penguin is having problems with his car so he drops it off at the workshop and asks the mechanic to check it out while he goes and gets an ice-cream. (Penguins like ice-cream as everyone knows).

It is very difficult to eat an ice-cream with flippers and the penguin gets it all over his face. Soon after, he returns to the workshop and asks what the problem was with his car. The mechanic says, "It looks like you've just blown a seal" to which the penguin replies, "No, I've just been eating ice-cream".

Brain cell

A female brain cell was lost one day, and found itself inside a man's head. Looking around, she saw that it was all very dark and empty. She started to get a little afraid, so she called out nervously, "Is anyone here?" With the only thing coming back to her being was the echo of her own voice; she called a little louder, "Can anyone hear me?" Still there was no response.

By now the female brain cell was quite frightened and she called out loudly again, "IS THERE ANYONE HERE!"

From far away she heard a little voice reply, "Hello, were all down here…

Blonde gambler

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.

Flight conversation

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman as he smiled smugly, "How about global warming; universal health care; or stimulus packages?"

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit!". And then she went back to reading her book