What do toilets, clitoris, and anniversaries have in common?
Men miss them all!
Men miss them all!
Wife's birthday gift
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ...
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you ..........retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ...
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you ..........retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Genie
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp. She starts rubbing it. Genie comes out as usual. Woman looks at Genie and asks him to grant her a wish:
I want my husband to have eyes only for me
I want to be the only one in his life
I want him to sleep always by my side
I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me wherever he goes.
Genie turned her into a BlackBerry!
I want my husband to have eyes only for me
I want to be the only one in his life
I want him to sleep always by my side
I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me wherever he goes.
Genie turned her into a BlackBerry!
Golf
One Saturday evening, a certain minister decided that he did not want to preach the following morning but go play a relaxing round of golf instead. He called his assistant minister and told him that he was feeling under the weather and would not be in service. He then called to set a tee time at a course that was a fairly long distance away from his church so as to not be "caught" by anyone who would recognize him.
Meanwhile in heaven, St. Peter was looking down in disgust and questioned God, "Do you see this? What are you going to do about this?" God just smiled.
The next morning upon arrival at the clubhouse, he is contented to find that he is but the only person who will be on the course. Peter is still fuming and anxiously anticipating God judgment.
After walking a while to the first hole, he takes note of the layout: a 420-yard par 4. He casually grabs his driver and sets. POW!!! Perfect hit...the ball sails all the way to the green and in the hole for a hole in one!
Peter throws a fit of rage at God. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"
God just smiles back and says, "Who's he going to tell?"
Meanwhile in heaven, St. Peter was looking down in disgust and questioned God, "Do you see this? What are you going to do about this?" God just smiled.
The next morning upon arrival at the clubhouse, he is contented to find that he is but the only person who will be on the course. Peter is still fuming and anxiously anticipating God judgment.
After walking a while to the first hole, he takes note of the layout: a 420-yard par 4. He casually grabs his driver and sets. POW!!! Perfect hit...the ball sails all the way to the green and in the hole for a hole in one!
Peter throws a fit of rage at God. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"
God just smiles back and says, "Who's he going to tell?"
Little girl
A little girl asked her father "how did human come into existence"?
The father replied to her "God made Adam and Eve who give birth to children, that later gave birth to us"
Still not satisfied, the little girl went and ask her mother the same question and the mother replied by saying "God made Gorillas that we later evolved from"
Furious, the little girl went to her father and ask "why did you say we came through Adam and Eve while mum is saying we evolved from Gorillas"
The father replied "I told you about my own family background, maybe that's your mothers family background."
The father replied to her "God made Adam and Eve who give birth to children, that later gave birth to us"
Still not satisfied, the little girl went and ask her mother the same question and the mother replied by saying "God made Gorillas that we later evolved from"
Furious, the little girl went to her father and ask "why did you say we came through Adam and Eve while mum is saying we evolved from Gorillas"
The father replied "I told you about my own family background, maybe that's your mothers family background."
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