Golf

One Saturday evening, a certain minister decided that he did not want to preach the following morning but go play a relaxing round of golf instead. He called his assistant minister and told him that he was feeling under the weather and would not be in service. He then called to set a tee time at a course that was a fairly long distance away from his church so as to not be "caught" by anyone who would recognize him.

Meanwhile in heaven, St. Peter was looking down in disgust and questioned God, "Do you see this? What are you going to do about this?" God just smiled.

The next morning upon arrival at the clubhouse, he is contented to find that he is but the only person who will be on the course. Peter is still fuming and anxiously anticipating God judgment.

After walking a while to the first hole, he takes note of the layout: a 420-yard par 4. He casually grabs his driver and sets. POW!!! Perfect hit...the ball sails all the way to the green and in the hole for a hole in one!

Peter throws a fit of rage at God. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"

God just smiles back and says, "Who's he going to tell?"

Golf

Harry teed his ball up, addressed his golf ball, and took a magnificent swing. Something went wrong, and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and it went onto the adjoining one -- where it hit a man full in the face. He dropped like a rock!

Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious, with the ball lying between his feet. "Oh no!" exclaimed Harry. "What should we do?"

"I'm not sure," said his partner. "But don't move him! If we just leave him here, he's an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies or drop it two clublengths away without penalty."

Golf

"I just don't understand why men don't want women to golf with them." said Jill one day to her friend Mary.

"TELL me about it!" replied Mary. "I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I could never go again. He said I asked too many questions!"

"Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?" said Jill

"Legitimate questions, I thought." said Mary.

"Like what?" asked Jill?

Replied Mary, "Questions like, 'Why did you hit the ball into the trees?', 'Why are you digging up all that sand?', 'How are you going to get your ball out of that tree?', stuff like that."

Golf

The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. The first golfer in a foursome teed off and hooked the ball. It soared over the fence and bounced onto the street, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and ricocheted back onto the fairway.

As they all stood in amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you do that?"

The golfer shrugged. "You have to know the bus schedule."

Four priests

Taking advantage of a balmy day, four priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and took some time out on the golf course.

After several shots their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "But how did you know?"

"I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."

Murder

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."