Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
Politician & prostitute
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. "Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the lady of the night, replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the lady of the night, replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
Tiniest cabin
A man from New York City was on vacation hiking through the mountains of Arkansas. He came upon the nicest and tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door. 'Anybody home?' he asked.
'Yep, I'm here' came a kid's voice through the door.
'Is your father there?' asked the New York tourist.
'Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in,' said the kid.
Well, is your mother there?' persisted the tourist.
'Ma? Nope, she left just before I got here,' said the kid.
'But,' protested the Yankee, ' are you never together as a family?, I'd like to meet your family' '
Sure, anytime, but not here,' said the kid through the door, 'This is the toilet.'
'Yep, I'm here' came a kid's voice through the door.
'Is your father there?' asked the New York tourist.
'Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in,' said the kid.
Well, is your mother there?' persisted the tourist.
'Ma? Nope, she left just before I got here,' said the kid.
'But,' protested the Yankee, ' are you never together as a family?, I'd like to meet your family' '
Sure, anytime, but not here,' said the kid through the door, 'This is the toilet.'
Bad Stamp
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.
The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and 1.73 million dollars in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People are spitting on the wrong side.
The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and 1.73 million dollars in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People are spitting on the wrong side.
Luigi
Luigi's wife had recently died and she was being buried. Luigi was sobbing and was being consoled by his friends. "Don't worry Luigi, in two or three months you may meet a beautiful lady who will make you happy"
"I know, I know," says Luigi, "But what am I gonna do tonight?"
"I know, I know," says Luigi, "But what am I gonna do tonight?"
The Flies
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said - "Well yeah, if that's what they are, I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says- "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey---wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass."
The Trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said - "Well yeah, if that's what they are, I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says- "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey---wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass."
The Trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Southwest Airlines
A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Southwest Airlines. The son asked his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did..."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did..."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."
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