Round manhole covers

Interviewer: "Now comes the part of the interview where we ask a question to test your creative thinking ability. Don't think too hard about it, just apply everyday common sense, and describe your reasoning process." "Here's the question: Why are manhole covers round?"

Feynman: "They're not. Some manhole covers are square. It's true that there are SOME round ones, but I've seen square ones, and rectangular ones."

Interviewer: "But just considering the round ones, why are they round?"

Feynman: "If we are just considering the round ones, then they are round by definition. That statement is a tautology."

Interviewer: "I mean, why are there round ones at all?" "Is there some particular value to having round ones?"

Feynman: "Yes. Round covers are used when the hole they are covering up is also round. It's simplest to cover a round hole with a round cover."

Interviewer: "Can you think of a property of round covers that gives them an advantage over square ones?"

Feynman: "We have to look at what is under the cover to answer that question. The hole below the cover is round because a cylinder is the strongest shape against the compression of the earth around it. Also, the term "manhole" implies a passage big enough for a man, and a human being climbing down a ladder is roughly circular in cross-section. So a cylindrical pipe is the natural shape for manholes. The covers are simply the shape needed to cover up a cylinder."

Interviewer: "Do you believe there is a safety issue? I mean, couldn't square covers fall into the hole and hurt someone?"

Feynman: "Not likely. Square covers are sometimes used on prefabricated vaults where the access passage is also square. The cover is larger than the passage, and sits on a ledge that supports it along the entire perimeter. The covers are usually made of solid metal and are very heavy. Let's assume a two-foot square opening and a ledge width of 1-1/2 inches. In order to get it to fall in, you would have to lift one side of the cover, then rotate it 30 degrees so that the cover would clear the ledge, and then tilt the cover up nearly 45 degrees from horizontal before the center of gravity would shift enough for it to fall in. Yes, it's possible, but very unlikely. The people authorized to open manhole covers could easily be trained to do it safely. Applying common engineering sense, the shape of a manhole cover is entirely determined by the shape of the opening it is intended to cover."

Interviewer (troubled): "Excuse me a moment; I have to discuss something with my management team."

(Leaves room.) (Interviewer returns after 10 minutes)

Interviewer: We are going to recommend you for immediate hiring into the marketing department." J

Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!"

He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.

"You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"

"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."

"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.

"Why did you do that?"

"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load.

So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car, screaming, "Stop!"

"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.

"But you can't fuckin' bait 'em!"

Who is better on computers

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out.

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?"

God just shrugged and said......"Jesus saves!"

Top 15 Surprise Features of the iPhone

15 Comes with a default "One of us! One of us! One of us!" ringtone.

14 The middle row of the new keypad arrangement spells out "B I L G A T E S U X."

13 Won't work if it detects you wearing eyeglasses and a suit.

12 Dial #666 to change all the digital "paintings" in Bill Gates' mansion to anime porn.

11 The right key sequence turns it into a Jedi light sabre.

10 Purchasing the iJack add-on feature means you need not actually be in the same vicinity as your significant other ever again.

9 Just drop it in a glass of Jolt Cola to recharge it.

8 Includes video of a steel-cage match between the nerdy-cool "I'm a Mac" guy and the nerdy-cool "Can you hear me now" Verizon guy.

7 Comes with its own "Official Apple Beta-Tester Club" card and badge.

6 The new touch screen, combined with AT&T's wireless service, allows you to reach out and fondle someone.

5 Rounded edges and mirror smooth surface makes it easier to shove up the ass of a smug owner.

4 iVelcro features allows easy attaching to your Segway or Vespa.

3 It conveniently combines all your indispensable functions -- phone, camera, music player and PDA -- into a single overpriced, easily lost device.

2 It's name is an anagram of "hip one" -- how friggin' cool is THAT?!?

and the Number 1 Surprise Features of the iPhone...

1 Cranial-GPS feature comes in handy when you realize you've lost your mind and paid $600 for a freakin' phone!

IT Industry

You've been in IT industry for too long if these are your symptoms:

1.) You use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your Milkman, you say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Your prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to you by friends whose faces you can't remember.

3) You drink more tea or coffee than water.

4) You keep trying to shut down your home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

5) When your mobile rings at home, you rush outside to receive the call.

6) When you make calls at home, you accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7) You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8) Your last crush was a girl in HR, Your current crush is the new girl in HR and all your crushes in the future will be girls in HR.

9) You spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/ coffee and playing table Tennis and then complain about the late working hours.

10.) Your important 'meetings' usually comprise a maximum of two or three people, including yourself.

11) You secretly prepare for CAT only to find your PL (project leader) sitting behind you at the exam.

13.) You keeps pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going out.

14.) You email your mate who works at the desk next to you.

15.) As you read this list, you're thinking of sending it to your friends who are also in IT.

16.) You are too busy to notice there was no line no. 12

17.) You're not sure so you scroll back to check it .

18.) And now you are smiling!!!!

I'm sure you did steps 16 to 18

Laws Newton missed

Laws Newton forgot to discover (say office laws)….

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start
to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an
engaged tone.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone
rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is directly
proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle
arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Top 20 Replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:

"It works just fine on my machine"

Quotes heard at a geek conference

15. "Oh, come on -- Kirk can beat Picard's ass any day of the week!"

14. "Empty the trash cans, someone's lost another retainer!"

13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gates -- this is a $10 minimum table, the $5 minimum tables are over there."

12. "No, sir, we can't accept Apple stock to cover your gambling debts."

11. "Just shut up and give me the trinkets, booth weasel!"

10. "Free pocket protectors at booth 183! Pass it on!"

9. "Hey, if we all share a limo ride back to the hotel, we can split that dollar tip nine ways."

8. "Well, the Chicken Ranch was okay - but I liked 'Virtual Monique' better."

7. "...so Dilbert says to Wally..."

6. "My dad said if I hacked the Federal Reserve one more time, he'd take away my Nintendo."

5. "...and *I* said, 'That's no hexadecimal assembly code, that's my self-modulating subroutine.' But seriously, folks..."

4. "I don't care if you ARE a CEO, nobody gets in under 21."

3. "Marc Andreeson to the courtesy desk -- Your mother wants to know what time you'll be home for dinner..."

2. "They call this a breakfast buffet? Where's the Jolt Cola and Doritos?"

And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at COMDEX...

1."Hey -- where are all the chicks??"