Another SJFT

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.

SJFT

Q: Why cant they teach drivers education and sex education at the same time in Libya?
A: It's too hard on the camel.

PS - SJFT stands for Stupid Joke For Today

Stupid joke for today (SJFT)

Ok, time for today's stupid joke:

A donkey was climbing a tree, so the elephant seated in the tree asked him "Why are you climbing this tree"

The donkey replied "Coz I want to eat some apples"

Elephant said "But this is a mango tree"

And the donkey replied "I know, that's why I brought the apples with me"

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As the Borg's say - "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!" (and made a member of this freak club!)

Garden sex

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said. "Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden"

Bad mornings

For no apparent reason - today's morning started off badly and seems it's not going to be gr8 day either. Well screw it - time for a joke! Here's what a friend sent in a few minutes ago:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with". "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look". "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in".

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,um…equipment?". "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away". "Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long". That's when Mrs. Smith fainted.