Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stork, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn't show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn't come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, "Papa stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner. Baby stork and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning. When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked, "Mama stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied mama stork.
Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt.
Papa stork barked, "Where the heck were you baby stork?" as his tired son dragged himself over the threshold.
"Out scaring the heck out of college students," replied baby stork.
Act of unselfish generosity
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."
"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.' "
"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.' "
And this folks, IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH!
As the horsepower in modern automobiles steadily rises, the congestion of traffic steadily lowers the average possible speed of your car. This is known as Progress.
Quotes heard at a geek conference
15. "Oh, come on -- Kirk can beat Picard's ass any day of the week!"
14. "Empty the trash cans, someone's lost another retainer!"
13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gates -- this is a $10 minimum table, the $5 minimum tables are over there."
12. "No, sir, we can't accept Apple stock to cover your gambling debts."
11. "Just shut up and give me the trinkets, booth weasel!"
10. "Free pocket protectors at booth 183! Pass it on!"
9. "Hey, if we all share a limo ride back to the hotel, we can split that dollar tip nine ways."
8. "Well, the Chicken Ranch was okay - but I liked 'Virtual Monique' better."
7. "...so Dilbert says to Wally..."
6. "My dad said if I hacked the Federal Reserve one more time, he'd take away my Nintendo."
5. "...and *I* said, 'That's no hexadecimal assembly code, that's my self-modulating subroutine.' But seriously, folks..."
4. "I don't care if you ARE a CEO, nobody gets in under 21."
3. "Marc Andreeson to the courtesy desk -- Your mother wants to know what time you'll be home for dinner..."
2. "They call this a breakfast buffet? Where's the Jolt Cola and Doritos?"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at COMDEX...
1."Hey -- where are all the chicks??"
14. "Empty the trash cans, someone's lost another retainer!"
13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gates -- this is a $10 minimum table, the $5 minimum tables are over there."
12. "No, sir, we can't accept Apple stock to cover your gambling debts."
11. "Just shut up and give me the trinkets, booth weasel!"
10. "Free pocket protectors at booth 183! Pass it on!"
9. "Hey, if we all share a limo ride back to the hotel, we can split that dollar tip nine ways."
8. "Well, the Chicken Ranch was okay - but I liked 'Virtual Monique' better."
7. "...so Dilbert says to Wally..."
6. "My dad said if I hacked the Federal Reserve one more time, he'd take away my Nintendo."
5. "...and *I* said, 'That's no hexadecimal assembly code, that's my self-modulating subroutine.' But seriously, folks..."
4. "I don't care if you ARE a CEO, nobody gets in under 21."
3. "Marc Andreeson to the courtesy desk -- Your mother wants to know what time you'll be home for dinner..."
2. "They call this a breakfast buffet? Where's the Jolt Cola and Doritos?"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at COMDEX...
1."Hey -- where are all the chicks??"
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