This Yankee from
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the tourist.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma come in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the Yankee, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid thru the door. "This is the outhouse."
In her own eyes, Suzy was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
"Really?" said her date, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Bill's friend Harry feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.
The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks and told the man there was a simple informal test he could do in the meanwhile to give him some idea of the state of her problem.
'Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"Damn it, Harry, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
A grade school teacher in
Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy.
The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why are you a George Bush fan?
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."
Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"
"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"
"Very Good Jenny!"
Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.
Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.
"Harassment!
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!
