Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.
SJFT
Q: Why cant they teach drivers education and sex education at the same time in Libya?
A: It's too hard on the camel.
PS - SJFT stands for Stupid Joke For Today
A: It's too hard on the camel.
PS - SJFT stands for Stupid Joke For Today
Life should be backwards
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? 'A death.' What's that , a bonus?
I think of the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you should go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol , you party and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, and then you finish off as an orgasm!! Amen."
I think of the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you should go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol , you party and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, and then you finish off as an orgasm!! Amen."
Hot-shot
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."
The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."
Health foods
This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash.They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.As they "oohed" and "aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it,and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
Priest's parrots
A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"
Roshashanna
A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going home for Roshashanna. The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the holiday when you light the 8 candles?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Hannukah."
The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the holiday when you eat the unlevened bread?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Passover. Rosha- shanna is the holiday when we blow the shofar."
"See," the Catholic Girl replies. "That's what I like about you Jews...you're so good to your help."
Stress
Patient: "Doctor, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people."
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you friggin' jackass!"
Mileage
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Twisted Sayings
These are absolutely hilarious!!!!
Dyslexics have more fnu
Clones are people, two
Entropy isn't what it used to be
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses
Eschew obfuscation
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure
My reality check just bounced
Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway
Boycott shampoo... Demand REAL poo!
Dyslexics have more fnu
Clones are people, two
Entropy isn't what it used to be
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses
Eschew obfuscation
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure
My reality check just bounced
Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway
Boycott shampoo... Demand REAL poo!
Pope's visit
The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope.
One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him.
Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him.
Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
Survey
In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin and the other five per cent said they didn't care - they would have married him anyway!!
Passing gas
A lady went to a doc and said "I have a gas problem, I pass a lot of it but its always very quiet and odorless. In fact I've passed it several times while talking to you and you haven't known at all."
The doc gave her some pills and told her to come back next week.
She returned the next week and was furious with the doc. Angrily she said, "Your pills are no good! I'm still passing the same amount of gas, but it stinks now!"
The doc replied "Good! Now that we've fixed your nose, we'll fix your hearing next."
The doc gave her some pills and told her to come back next week.
She returned the next week and was furious with the doc. Angrily she said, "Your pills are no good! I'm still passing the same amount of gas, but it stinks now!"
The doc replied "Good! Now that we've fixed your nose, we'll fix your hearing next."
Little things that bring joy
The simple things that make life worth living for!
My daily dose of happiness for today is done :-))))
My daily dose of happiness for today is done :-))))
Hypnotist
It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.
As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.''
The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.
''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.''
She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch , watch the watch, watch the watch.... ''.
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
''Sh*t'' said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theatre.
Top 20 Replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work
20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:
"It works just fine on my machine"
Today's stupid joke.
Q: How do you know you're really ugly?
A: Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
Top 16 Famous Quotes From Redneck Movies
This is simply TOO GOOD! Had me rolling on the floor.
16. "Luke, I am your father...and your uncle...and your first and second cousin, your nephew..."
15. "We'll always have Wal-Mart."
14. "What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in warm chicken fried steak with gravy."
13. "You had me at 'Sooooey!'"
12. "Houston, we have a 'possum."
11. "You're trying to seduce me, aren't you, Uncle Ed?"
10. "I feel the need... the need for sheep."
9. "Are you CRYING? There's no crying in NASCAR!"
8. "Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her '68 Rambler into mine."
7. "I...see...Black people."
6. "Use the horse, Luke!"
5. "I ate his ribs...with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack Daniel's."
4. "Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor pull, kid."
3. "I know what you're thinking...did he fire six shots or only five? Well, hell if I know! You KNOW I cain't count no higher'n three since the chainsaw accident!"
2. "My daddy always said, 'Life is like a ten-dollar hooker -- you never know what you're gonna' get.'"
And The Number 1 Famous Quote from a Redneck Movie...
1. "You want a tooth?! You can't HANDLE a tooth!!"
Honeymoon
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
Calls to tech support
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"
On a serious note
Just like everybody else, I also get a lot of mushy forwards from friends. I only read them if they're not long and not TOO emotional. But once in a while, I do read the full thing and get touched by the words. One such mail came from my friend Lulu, and it made me feel that there is a lot that I could thank the Lord for, and how precious life is. All the more because I have lost loved ones.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair. I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg and used a crutch. But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
~~~
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad . If I were late, it'd do no harm. And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind. It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
~~~
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play . He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join the others, dear?" He looked ahead without a word. And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
~~~
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair. I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg and used a crutch. But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
~~~
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad . If I were late, it'd do no harm. And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind. It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
~~~
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play . He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join the others, dear?" He looked ahead without a word. And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
~~~
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.
Family problems?
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, " Talking about love marriages?.. . I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, i.e. My brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems.. ? !
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, " Talking about love marriages?.. . I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, i.e. My brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems.. ? !
Golfers
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Stork
Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stork, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn't show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn't come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, "Papa stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner. Baby stork and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning. When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked, "Mama stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied mama stork.
Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt.
Papa stork barked, "Where the heck were you baby stork?" as his tired son dragged himself over the threshold.
"Out scaring the heck out of college students," replied baby stork.
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner. Baby stork and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning. When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked, "Mama stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied mama stork.
Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt.
Papa stork barked, "Where the heck were you baby stork?" as his tired son dragged himself over the threshold.
"Out scaring the heck out of college students," replied baby stork.
Act of unselfish generosity
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."
"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.' "
"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.' "
And this folks, IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH!
As the horsepower in modern automobiles steadily rises, the congestion of traffic steadily lowers the average possible speed of your car. This is known as Progress.
Quotes heard at a geek conference
15. "Oh, come on -- Kirk can beat Picard's ass any day of the week!"
14. "Empty the trash cans, someone's lost another retainer!"
13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gates -- this is a $10 minimum table, the $5 minimum tables are over there."
12. "No, sir, we can't accept Apple stock to cover your gambling debts."
11. "Just shut up and give me the trinkets, booth weasel!"
10. "Free pocket protectors at booth 183! Pass it on!"
9. "Hey, if we all share a limo ride back to the hotel, we can split that dollar tip nine ways."
8. "Well, the Chicken Ranch was okay - but I liked 'Virtual Monique' better."
7. "...so Dilbert says to Wally..."
6. "My dad said if I hacked the Federal Reserve one more time, he'd take away my Nintendo."
5. "...and *I* said, 'That's no hexadecimal assembly code, that's my self-modulating subroutine.' But seriously, folks..."
4. "I don't care if you ARE a CEO, nobody gets in under 21."
3. "Marc Andreeson to the courtesy desk -- Your mother wants to know what time you'll be home for dinner..."
2. "They call this a breakfast buffet? Where's the Jolt Cola and Doritos?"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at COMDEX...
1."Hey -- where are all the chicks??"
14. "Empty the trash cans, someone's lost another retainer!"
13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Gates -- this is a $10 minimum table, the $5 minimum tables are over there."
12. "No, sir, we can't accept Apple stock to cover your gambling debts."
11. "Just shut up and give me the trinkets, booth weasel!"
10. "Free pocket protectors at booth 183! Pass it on!"
9. "Hey, if we all share a limo ride back to the hotel, we can split that dollar tip nine ways."
8. "Well, the Chicken Ranch was okay - but I liked 'Virtual Monique' better."
7. "...so Dilbert says to Wally..."
6. "My dad said if I hacked the Federal Reserve one more time, he'd take away my Nintendo."
5. "...and *I* said, 'That's no hexadecimal assembly code, that's my self-modulating subroutine.' But seriously, folks..."
4. "I don't care if you ARE a CEO, nobody gets in under 21."
3. "Marc Andreeson to the courtesy desk -- Your mother wants to know what time you'll be home for dinner..."
2. "They call this a breakfast buffet? Where's the Jolt Cola and Doritos?"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at COMDEX...
1."Hey -- where are all the chicks??"
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