12 Reasons To Laugh

* Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

* I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

* How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

* A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn.. that was fun!"

* Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

* I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

* When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping..." Now I just "chunky dunk."

* Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

* Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

* Why do you have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

* Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier!!"

* Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.