Drunk

Two buddies, Bob and Ben, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Ben throws up all over himself. 'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Bob says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Ben stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Ben says, 'Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!'

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks.. ''Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he pooped in my pants, too.'