Kids answers in school

Some creative answers that kids have given in tests at school
 
You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let people know they're there.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things, like when people forget to put the top on.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population

Grandkids

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.

2.. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.  My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,  "Did you start at 1?"
 
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
  
4.. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire, it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
 
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''...... "You're both old," he replied.
 
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor.  She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.  "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
 
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was.  She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
 
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,  we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights." 
 
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure..."  "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."
 
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.  "That's interesting," she said,  "how do you make babies?"  "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
 
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
 "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
 
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."
 A third child brought the argument to a close."They use  the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
 
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
 
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
 
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over you  hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Country doctor

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again" the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

Fire truck

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck" the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner" the fire fighter says "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster".

The little girl replied "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren".

Playing in the sandbox

Little Johnny and Jane are playing in a sandbox. Little Johnny has to go to take a pee but he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say Jane to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to Jane and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose." And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back Jane looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes" said Little Johnny stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says Jane, "You'd better close your compact because your lipstick is hanging out!"

Two kids in the hospital

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!" 

Future

A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he'd like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you attend college?" they asked the little boy.

After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it."

Public-health nurse

Part of her job as a public-health nurse was teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As she was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young couple turned to her and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?"

"Yes," she replied, "That is a good analogy."

"I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"

Sunday School teacher

A Sunday School teacher asked her class of young children a very simple question, or so she thought. She asked, "What is Easter?"

Immediately many children raised their hands. So the teacher called on one to answer the question.

The sweet child replied, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and gives thanks."

"Wrong!," replied the teacher, and proceeded to choose a second child to answer the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second child replied, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

The teacher looked at the second child, shook her head, and tells him he's wrong.

Then a third child is selected to answer the question, "What is Easter?"

The third child smiles confidently and looks into the teacher's eyes and says, "I know what Easter is."

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave, which was then sealed off by a large boulder."

The teacher smiles broadly with delight.

Then the child continues,

"And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out ... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

Pancakes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

Little Mexican boy

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face saying, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy."

His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father!"

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy."

His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Mira, abuelita, I'm a white boy."

His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See? Did you learn anything from that?"

The boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already don't like you Mexicans!"

Son of a Baptist minister

A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away.

With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.

Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be an Atheist."

7th Grade

Toward the end of the school year, the sixth-grade teachers decide which of their students should be accelerated in certain subjects in the seventh grade. When a child is chosen, his parents are notified.

When one boy was accelerated in science and math, his mother wrote to the teacher: "I think this is quite an honor for someone who just tried to make two quarts of lemonade in a one-quart pitcher!"

Kids' Wise Words

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9

5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13

6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13

7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14

10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12

11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9

12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9

13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9

14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11

15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15

16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9

17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10

18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13

19. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8

Grade-school teacher

A grade-school teacher was grading a science test at home that she had given to her class and was reading some of the results to her husband. The subject was the human body, and the first question was to "Name one of the major functions of your skin."

One child had written, "To keep people who look at you from throwing up."

Game

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

Sunday School teacher

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.

The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

Build house

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to build a house on the lot. The family's six-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. She hung around and eventually the construction workers adopted her as a kind of mascot. They chatted to her and gave her little jobs to do and at the end of the week presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.

She took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take it to the bank the next morning to deposit it in her account. When they went to the bank, the teller was equally impressed, and asked the little girl how she had come by her earnings.

"I've been building a house this week," she replied proudly.

"Goodness!" said the teller. "And will you be building a house next week, too?"

"Yes," answered the little girl. "If we ever get the fucking bricks."

Little boy

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down, he swung again and missed. "Strike two!" he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He
straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again, he tossed the ball up in the
air and swung at it. He missed.

"Strike three!" "Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

Fourth-grade teacher

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order, everybody sitting absolutely still.

She was shocked and stunned. "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why were you so well-behaved and quiet?"

From the back of the room Little Johnny piped up, "One time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead."