Three boys and old lady

After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria, three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady.

One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman's expense and, nudging one of his buddies under the table, suddenly remarked, "Did your folks ever get married?"

"Nope," replied his tablemate, picking up the put on. "How about yours?" "They never bothered," answered the first young man.

"That's nothing," interrupted the third, "my mother doesn't even know who my father is."

The elderly woman looked up from her coffee and said sweetly. "Excuse me, but would one of you little bastards please pass the sugar?

Email

Debbie wasn't home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend's phone numbers, her Mother fired-up Debbie's computer and saw a list of e-mail addresses. She sent a note to each name asking if they knew where her daughter was.

Within twenty minutes, she got back sixteen replies, all saying that she wasn't to worry, that Debbie was spending the night at their house and had neglected to telephone.

Play a game

Judi and her boyfriend were sitting at home one night and became bored.

"Hey, let's play a game" she said.

"What game?" was his bored reply.

"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."

"What if I can't find you?"

"I'll be behind the piano."

Teenager in a boutique

This teenager was in a boutique for at least an hour choosing the "perfect" dress for the prom. The next day, to the surprise of the saleswoman, she was back with the outfit.

"Can I exchange this for something else?" she asked.

The saleswoman was surprised, but she couldn't argue with the girl's explanation: "My parents like it."

See me across the street

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, "Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street."

The young man said, "Just a minute." Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you!"

Prestigious university

This lady went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, and the student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities.

She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended the daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

After the tour the mother asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?"

"Oh," she replied, "my boyfriend works at the McDonald's across the parking lot."

Policeman

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot over-looking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."