Arab diplomat

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods
(french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."

Three kinds of men

There are three kinds of men:

1. Those who learn by reading.
2. Those who learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Fishing trip

The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of
the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen"

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it! Of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner"

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!

The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile crept across his face as he said, "You fuckers are my kind of people!"

The Man and the Dog

There is an old story about the data center of the future.

This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog.

The man's job is to feed the dog.

The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

Husband's home

Drowsing contentedly after an afternoon of making love in bed, suddenly there's the sound of a car pulling up outside. Dreamily, the girl whispers, "Oh, oh, quick get moving, that's my husband."

Quick as a flash, the man jumps out of bed, rushes to the window and suddenly stops dead. "Hey, whatd'ya mean?" he bellows "I am your husband!"

Rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials ..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that .

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh.

Hearing aid

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.

"That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" , asked Morris.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

Old couple

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."

Senior Citizen's luncheon

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes, and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?" The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down?" She replied "Up."

This really confused the gentleman, so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought my choices were fuck or drown."

New Golf Terms

Here are some new golf terms for you. Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots -- shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc.
Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary.

A *Paris Hilton* - an expensive hole

A *James Joyce* - an impossible read

A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but wasn't.

A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution

An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim

A *Lou Gehrig* - a dead Yank

A *German* - a hookenfucker

An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker

A *Saddam Hussein* - from one bunker straight into another

A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand

A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect

A *John Kennedy, Jr.* - didn't make it over the water

An *Elephant's Ass* - it's high and it stinks

A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed

An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it

A *Princess Grace* - should have taken a driver

A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have taken a driver

A *George W.* - steadily fading

A *condom* - safe, but didn't feel very good

A *circus tent* - a BIG top

An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A *Brazilian* - Shaved the hole

A *Rush Limbaugh* - too far to the right

A *Nancy Pelosi* - too far to the left

Elderly hooker

After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case, Judge Hanson called a brief recess and retired to his chambers. Enroute, he bumped into Judge Forbes.

"Say," said Hanson, "what would you give a sixty-three-year-old hooker?"

"Oh gosh," replied Forbes, "five or six bucks tops."

Dumb

You're so dumb, if you saw a sign that said "wet floor" you probably would.

IRS

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders; like the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and the taxes were pretty straight forward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on in his obnoxious way.

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S."

"The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, "the I.R.S....and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

Navigators that get us lost

The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.

The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"

"No, sir," replies the newbie.

"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.

The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.

"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.

"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Who is Jack Schitt

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, marries O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children, Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new
Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So, now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.

Bored casino dealers

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.' With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come on, baby.. Alabama Girl needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed. 'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers. And then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.'

Moral
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men... are men.

Pedestrians

Paddy was in New York and patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians," for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said,
"Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Man and Woman

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Golfing

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for the two women who are ahead of them at the next hole to finish. They wait a few minutes, but soon get irritated at the amount of time the women are taking to play the hole.

One of the men decides that enough is enough. He tells his friend, "I'm going to go up there and tell those two to hurry up!"

He starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he returns to his friend. "What's wrong?" his friend asks.

"I can't go over there. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress."

His friend tells him, "That's ok, I'll go talk to them."

He too starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he too returns to his friend. He tells his friend, "Small world..."

Liquid Viagra

Pfizer Corporation announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "Cocktails", "Highballs" and just a good old fashioned "Stiff Drink".

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO".

Sign Boards

Over a gynecologist's office "Dr.Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Cows in the real world

Bushism:
You have as many cows as you like. You preach to others not to have any.

Clintonism:
You have two cows. But you milk your neighbours' cows.

Musharrafism:
Nawaz Sharif has two cows. Take them over.

Osamaism:
You have two cows. You convert them into biological weapons.

Talibanism:
You have two cows. You put them in purdah.

UNism:
You have two cows. You don’t milk them; you only lecture to them.

Socialism:
You have two cows and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism:
You have two cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism:
You have two cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

Traditional Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation:
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A French Corporation:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation:
You have two cows. You redesign and re-engineer them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times more milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide

A German Corporation:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A British Corporation:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

An Italian Corporation:
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation:
You have two cows. You count them and learn that you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 32 cows. You count them again and learn you have only two cows. You stop counting cows and open a bottle of vodka.

A Chinese Corporation:
You have two cows. You have 200 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the news reporter who published the facts

Adam in Eden

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history....

Gynaecologist

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would
be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved and he signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50%, because you did all of it through the muffler."

Blonde neighbor

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, "I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"

Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

Yankee

This Yankee from Massachusetts was hiking through the mountains of northern Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" he asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the tourist.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma come in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the Yankee, "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid thru the door. "This is the outhouse."

Vanity

In her own eyes, Suzy was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."

"Really?" said her date, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"

Hard of hearing

Bill's friend Harry feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks and told the man there was a simple informal test he could do in the meanwhile to give him some idea of the state of her problem.

'Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"

Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"

Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"Damn it, Harry, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"

Operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Hillary fans

A grade school teacher in Steuben County asked her class how many of them are "Hillary fans?"

Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy.

The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks why are you a George Bush fan?

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"

The teacher asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."

Little Johnny

Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"

"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"

"Very Good Jenny!"

Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.

Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.

"Harassment!" says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said NO, but harassment yes!"

Good advice

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!