Torpedo

During World War II, an American warship was under attack by the Japanese. A torpedo was headed toward the ship and a strike seemed inevitable.

The captain told the first officer to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke, so at least the men would die laughing.

Gathering the men around him, the first officer said, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my d**k against the table?"

When the crew burst out laughing the officer pulled out his pe*is and whacked it on the table. Just then, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the first officer.

As they floated around in a lifeboat the captain remarked, "You sure got the crew laughing. What did you do?"

The first officer told him.

"Well, you'd better be careful with that d**k of yours," the captain said. "The torpedo missed."